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Friday, November 25, 2005

Sabotage to Dan from Brandon: Enya - Amarantine

So Brandon really didn't like the Scott Stapp record, it apparently has filled him with rage. I read the review and I swear that he is trying to make me feel bad for giving it to him. But you know as well I know after reading the title of this post that I should not have even the slightest bit of guilt for giving him the Stappster. Because Brandon gave me fucking Enya. There is no mercy for someone who just sabotaged me with Enya. That my friends means war.

Enya is music for parental units. Music for parents who like to put it on and sit in their living rooms on their pretty sofas and let the stress of their job go away. Canadians have a bizarre and unhealthy obsession with Enya. When I told Terri that Brandon has sabotaged me with Enya do you know what she told me? That she saw a stat to say that nearly 1 out of every 3 Canadians own an Enya album. That is mind blowing to me. I don't know any of my friends that own Enya albums. Although if I do remember Stormy (Brandon's mom) had Enya in her collection. So perhaps the seed for this sabotage was born many a years ago.

But the distinct difference between Enya and Scott Stapp is this. Enya is a talented band with an original sound. Like it, love it, or hate it the fact doesn't change that Enya does actually know what they are doing. My big issue with them is how everything is like spiritual, and about being at one with nature and shit like that. Other than that there isn't a massive difference between Enya and a lot of the bands I listen too. Basically if you take a lot of the experimental nature out of what I listen too, and also remove any semblance of power that might be in the music and you would be left with Enya. Enya is music for the weak. Which again has me wondering why Canada has such a fascination with them.

So it is a bit hard to talk about these songs because how do you describe them? Well i'll try. The title track "Amarantine" begins with what sounds like either a cello or some classical guitar against soe violins and a few piano keys. Vocally Enya reminds me of Annie Lennox hardcore. And Annie Lennox is rather annoying to me. Everything about it is very whimsical, light as a feather. If you dropped this music off your balcony it might not ever hit the ground. I wonder what seeing this live is like? An opportunity to glance around the room and see the crowd that would show up brings a smile to my face. I don't like this at all, but it isn't really phasing me. One thing it is, is very soothing. Much like that wilderness music that people shell out money for. I am agitated a bit due to it being rather bad, but I do like the violins. The vocals are brutal.

When the album really starts to get to me is near the end. Second time listening now and both times I found myself doing pretty well till track 8 "Someone Said Goodbye". This song is one of the few songs that is a lot more blatant. Less noises, and ambience more straight vocals against a really repetitive and way less entertaining violin part. The vocals just keep repeating about having to say goodbye. And considering how most of the songs of Enya seem to at least be about more bigger issues this song definitely seems to be about relationships. The lyrics are super cheese, "Is there a reason why your broken heart begins to cry. Is there a reason you were lose although you don't know a why. Give me a reason why you never want to say goodbye. If there's a reason I don't know why". So i'm sure you could argue this is supposed to be an impowering song about getting up the guts to leave a bad relationship. either way the lyrics are awful.

Now Enya has some great negative momentum going bleeding right into the next song "A Moment Lost". This music is so much better when they spruce it up as opposed to stripping it back with just the vocals against the smaller string arrangements. Those other songs like I said have a calming influence but this is just sad. That song never has any sort of release, it is 120 percent sad full throttle coming at you the entire time and then it stops. No release, nothing. And Enya is supposed to be soothing from what I always heard, strange.

Enya completes the trifecta of sucktitude commencing with "Drifting". Three strikes and you are out so Enya though it hasn't been as brutal as I expected it to be certainly is going to get a decently bad score. So this song doesn't even have any vocals at all. Which you might think would be a good thing since I think that her vocals suck. But it isn't. Because rather than taking the chance to make an advanced instrumental track this is just a slow motion snooze fest. I am fairly sure it is supposed to signify the release, or the conquering of the sadness displayed in the previous two songs. Which on an artistical level I can get behind, but on an enjoyment level this song sucks just as much if not worse than the prior two.

I do feel obligated to mention "The River Sings" because low and behold I actually somewhat liked this song. It opens with a total chant, and not like the weak type of chant you would expect this is actually energized. Against some heavy bass, almost making it like a dance track the singer goes with some gibberish I can't understand layered and fast chanting it over the bass. This is essentially the entire song. Three minutes of a spirited chant. It isn't something I am going to keep on my harddrive, and it wouldn't be something I strongly recommend. But for a song I found on a sabotage i'm impressed.

So "Amarantine" ends up being a dreaded sabotage that doesn't quite deliver the amount of pain and discomfort that I had anticipated it would. Meanwhile last sabotage Robbie Williams was a swift kick in the junk when I expected a light jab to the face. Amusing how this shit plays out sometimes. Enya you certainly suck, and there is no way 1 out of 3 Canadians should own an Enya album. But do you suck as bad as Scott Stapp? I think not.

Sabotage Success: 8.00 (Sabotage moves in mysterious ways. I'm sure Brandon thought he had me nailed with this and I would have agreed. Let's hear what Brandon has to say about the Stappinator.)


At November 25, 2005 at 3:04 PM, Anonymous terri said...

I think it was something like one in ten Canadians owned an Enya album -- but that's still a ridiculous number.

I can't stand any of that twee new age crap, so Enya is not for me.

At November 25, 2005 at 3:13 PM, Anonymous Laura said...

Sabotage is great. I couldn't believe that stat so now that i see in the comments its a bit more believable.

Only a bit though.

I can't believe you liked an Enya song!

At November 25, 2005 at 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My momz has some Enya shit too. Parental units are fucked.


At November 25, 2005 at 7:54 PM, Anonymous the Destroyer said...

i'm thrilled
scott stapp is a fuckhead
i can't believe he is that bad
THAT bad
i need to fucking smoke buckets of weed and then write a sabotage, i dont think anything can irritate me when i'm that fucking cabled
5-8-1 lifetime record for the Destroyer....8-5-1 for Dan...

At November 25, 2005 at 10:11 PM, Anonymous Steve said...

Hilariously i always thought Annie Lennox was in Enya?

At December 17, 2005 at 4:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enya is not a band so get a life.

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