Two way Monologues

Sabotage from Brandon to Dan: Robbie Williams - Intensive Care

What a relief. Those were the immediate thoughts that ran through my mind when Brandon decided to give me Robbie Williams as a sabotage. It seemed that everything he has been giving me lately is bubblegum pop bullshit, and while this isn't really much of a departure from that it IS something that had a chance to not be mind numbingly brutal. I've heard some Robbie Williams living with Terri because she has a few of his albums and is a big fan, and while I didn't like I didn't hate it with a burning passion either. So of course the album ends up being a total piece of shit. Hilarious how that works. I thought I had this sabotage in the bag but now I don't know. This is going to be close.

For the most part Robbie Williams has two styles of songs. The one is the slowed down, often acoustic but very heavy on the dramatics, ballad. OR the dance infused, highly energized club song. And yes you are going to find exceptions to this rule. Now, personally I can't stand the songs of his that fall into the first category. "Make Me Pure" falls into the third category. But, I still can't rule it out with absolute certainty. Remember "Angels" that song was a slower Robbie Williams tune and if it came on the radio I wouldn't cringe that much. But this suffers from the often mentioned midi file syndrome. It just has nothing interest going on. Sure later they add some gosep style choir backgrounds to it, but it just comes across sounding forced. Same with the eventual violins that are mixed in. And that voice of Robbie Williams, that voice which is his secret weapon well on this song that weapon is never unsheathed. Instead everything is somewhat controlled, seemingly afraid to go that extra mile and blast out the vocals the way he is known to do. I thought this song might be a blip compared to the rest of the album.

It wasn't. The very next song the very lamely titled "Spread Your Wings" grabs the ball of suck and carries that towards the endzone. Who would listen to this? It sounds like Robbie Williams impersonating Three Doors Down without actually rocking out, and mixing in some gospel style backdrops. And it sounds about as bad as that should sound. He even stops singing for a while to talk out some lyrics, and tell you a bit of a story about the lyrics of this song. But the lyrics aren't any good so why he decides to put the emphasis on them is another mystery. Robbie Williams loves the drugs, the dude has admitted as much. But so he says he is off the drugs at the moment. Maybe that is why all of this music seems so basic and uninspired. Maybe Robbie can only make ambitious music when he deep in the depths of a serious addiction. Wouldn't be the first time, wouldn't be the last time. He uses the lyrics "Spread your wings before they fall apart, home is where your heart is darling, follow your heart" again and again. If those lyrics were any more predictable it would be a Meatloaf song.

Not all of these songs reak of sucktitude. "Tripping" is totally decent. It has a little bit of a reggae vibe, with some steel drums mixed against some heavy bass and a chill dance vibe. Williams forgets this slow motion adult contemporary bullshit and rocks the falsetto and embraces the style of the background and low and behold it works! Maybe he doesn't want to make this type of music anymore, maybe he is trying to grow as an artist I have no idea. Perhaps Robbie is just depressed and has a tough time doing these upbeat happy go-lucky tunes anymore. But whatever it is dude needs to get over it because these are the style songs that makes him viable in the music industry. Fans will only put up with that trife bullshit on the last two tracks so long before they write him off as finished. I can't possibly imagine that this won't be a single, and when it is a single expect that you will hear your fair share of it. When this song was on Terri (who by the way wasn't that impressed by the album) was impressed with it. That is just more proof that Robbie Williams was misguided with most of this cd.

Robbie Williams has some of the most horrendous, stereotypical boy band style titles for these songs. "Please Don't Die" i'm not sure that I share those sentiments in regards to you Robbie. I suppose I shouldn't be so shocked. This douchebag was a frontman for Take That. Remember that shit? "Back For Good" was their best song! Their best song! Try to think about that for a second... i know it is hard to comprehend but it is the truth. Alright back to this song. I swear i've heard Robbie Williams recycle these lyrics before, and the song is set against something that is confused whether it is dance or lounge. This isn't AS bad as some of the other songs but it is so much like the other songs that the lines begin to blur. Robbie Williams provides us with a dozen tracks and approximately 9 of them sound just like this. Another disturbing trend is how these songs always digress as it moves along. Once you get up over the four minute mark I usually find myself inflicting punishment on myself to try and forget about the autrocity i'm listening too.

I have to mention this because it is funny. Robbie Williams has a song called "Your Gay Friend". The song basically amounts to Robbie Williams pining to be able to be the gay friend because of all the benefits that come along from it. Except for that in Robbie's fucked up little world he is the gay friend who still gets to fuck the girl? I don't know how that works... but this is his album and the hilarity of the theme of the song is pure jokes. This one might actually be worthy of downloading just to listen to the lyrics.

One more! "Sin Sin Sin" starts off reminding me of something from The Wedding Singer soundtrack.... for about 12 seconds. THen when I realize that the 80's synth is looped again and again constantly and nothing else is being added to it and Robbie Williams is doing another slow although slightly more engaging ballad over it. Vocally the closest comparison on these songs would be Elton John. But! And this is a big but, Elton John can actually pull this shit off. If you put on an Elton John album I could tolerate it. I wouldn't be thrilled, and if it was something off the Lion King I might end up doing 10 to 20. But assuming it was some of his classic work I could cope. Whatever it is that Elton possesses that allows him to pull it off, Robbie Williams needs to borrow some of that. I'll tell you what is a sin these lyrics, and this sinful song. "Ain't the sin, of the sin, of the sin, of the sinner deep inside?" Say whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaatttttttttt??

Robbie Williams vs Bette Midler has turned out to be a far more intense battle than I ever would have thought. You have the ultra lame pushing 60 yeard old heathen who brought "From A Distance" into the world swaying through bullshit renditions of Peggy Lee's song against Robbie Williams impersonating Robbie Williams and doing a miserable job at it. I have given this some serious consideration and I have to be one hundred percent honest. This album stung. Did it suck more than Bette? I can't honestly say that so for the first time ever..... we have a DRAW.

Sabotage Success: 8.8 (And I thought Midler would be a guaranteed winner. Robbie Williams you just made my shitlist. "Intensive Care" is what your career needs at this point Robbie Williams. That's right bitches, my friends call me PUN Dawg.)

posted by Daysthatareover @ 9:55 PM